Any new airline jokes?

[rumorhasit]

Any new airline jokes?

 

[Cmdr Taggart]

MESA

 

[Beechnut]

Q: How do you get an Air Wisconsin flight attendant into your hotel room?

A: Greese her hips and push her through!



The pilots based in Denver find this funnier than the other bases do.

 

[WrightAvia]

What's the difference between Mesaba and the Titanic?





The Titanic had a band.

 

[xjavro85]

Thats not funny. Knocking on Mesaba at a time like this. You must be a Mesa whore. Sit back and watch how you get a fair contract...

 

[PTinbound]

XJavro, go easy on the guy.

Who knows, he may be one of us. Besides, it's true isn't it?
I even asked my wife the question and she said, "The Titanic had a few lifeboats". Same principle, though.
Let's all hang tough and get through this thing together!

 

[BE90CPT]

Q: What does a flight attendant and a pice of Dog $hit have in common?

A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up!

 

[Stifler's Mom]

Here's a joke for whoever you are flying with.

F/O: I was sitting around with some other F/Os, and we were talking about our favorite Capts. to fly with. Guess who brought up your name?

Capt: Who?

F/O: Nobody!!!!!!!


Make sure your Capt. has a good sense of humor when you use this one.

 

[tacojet]

Did you hear about the stew that called down to the lobby to tell the captain she couldn't get out of her room to make the van?

The captain tells her what do you mean you can't get out of your room?

She say's one door leads to the bathroom, and the other says "do not disturb"!

 

[WrightAvia]

Thats not funny. Knocking on Mesaba at a time like this. You must be a Mesa whore. Sit back and watch how you get a fair contract...

That's actually a joke unto itself...but anyway...



Captain tells a joke, everybody laughs.

FO tells a joke, the FE laughs.

FE tells a joke, nobody laughs.

 

[acaTerry]

Why do pilots sleep w/ the FA's?

It's easier than jerking off....

 

[belchfire]

Y'all know the difference between
a jetstream and a jetstream crew?

The jetstream stops whining at the
gate!
______________________________
Things you never want to hear when
jumpseating in a DC-6 (F/O's leg)

"sound of large thunk/screach from
right side of a/c..."

F/E "What was ThaT?!?"

F/O "Oh $hiT!!!"

CA "Look what you did!!!"
________________________________

These guys went out duck hunting and
were renting a retriever from the local
guide service that had a reputation for
having the best trained dogs around.
Dogs name was "Copilot", and he wasn't
worth a d@mn...

These guys ended up having to get a boat
and retrieved the birds themselves. They
complained mightily to the guide service
and finally got their money back with the
rest of the story from the guide...

"Seems that two weeks ago an airline crew
had rented the same dog, Copilot, and he
was such a good retriever that they thought
they would change his name to "Captain" and
now all he does is sit around and bark!"

 

[Jeepman]

Taken from the standard airline SOP:

Three sentences every F.O. must memorize:

1. Nice job sir

2. Must have been the wind sir.

3. I'll take the fat one sir.

 

[Sphincter Boy]

So why do flight attendants not wear panties?



To keep the flies off the crew meals.

 

[belchfire]

Most airlines are jokes! If you have time
to spare, go by air!!!

 

[Jeepman]

One day in class a verry excited Bobby told of his adventurous time riding in an airplane. "They even let me go into the cockpit", he stated excitedly.

His teacher Ms. Mesa promptly corrected him, "Bobby it is now called a flight deck ever since women have been airline pilots."

Bobby began to cry profusely and decided he would never be an airline pilot.

 

[FlyingDawg]

What's long and black and hangs in front of an a$$hole?


A pilot's tie!

 

[WrightAvia]

hahahahaha! good one.

 

[CaptainBrazilia]

oldy but goodie

What's the only thing separating alcoholics from nymphomaniacs?

The cockpit door.

 

[CF34-3B1]

A regional airline pilot dies, and goes to Heaven.

When he gets there, he sees a group of other regional pilots standing around in front of the Pearly Gates in uniform.

"We're waiting for our EFC time to get in." they tell him.

He joins the group and they spend time talking about airplanes, flying etc, waiting for their clearance.

Sometime later, a mainline pilot (insert the airline of your choice) walks past. He walks up to the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter bows to him, the Gates open, and the mainline pilot enters Heaven.

Seeing this appearant circumvention of seniority, the regional pilots elect a representative to speak to Saint Peter.

The representative explains to Saint Peter that the regional pilots have been waiting patiently as instructed, while the mainline pilot just strolled right in.

"Ohhhh, I see why you're concerned." Saint Peter replied. "But there's nothing out of order going on."

"You see, that wasn't a mainline pilot. That was God. He just thinks he's a mainline pilot."