Aircraft Torture Devices!!

[DTWFO]

CRJ200:
Moveable spotlight in cockpit mounted so that if you drop anything, leaning down will put your face or forehead directly into the metal corner.

Wings so impossibly low that you are guaranteed to crack your head on either part of the actuator or on the bottom of the wing on at least 1 preflight a day.

Aft equipment bay door located at the perfect height so that when opened the collected de-ice fluid runs directly into your face.

APU so loud that you wonder both if you will be able to hear or not when you get home and at the same time thinking to yourself how a piece of machinery can make that much noise and NOT come apart.

For Passengers:
Overhead bin metal latch located directly at eye level when opened.

Passenger door railings located at the perfect height to hook any type of carryon at the moment they step down, sure to cause a face-plant down the stairs.

 

[justmeinmsp]

DTWFO, one more:


SELCAL SELCAL

 

[B190Captain]

B737- Jumpseat behind Captain seat. I thought I had to go to my doctor to amputate my right leg from lack of circulation.

 

[JediNein]

Add one more to the list... "travel" or "handy" chocks -- collapses at the slightest weight with sharp edges all around. If you have a hand on one to remove it, you can lose the hand.

 

[CA1900]

B737- Jumpseat behind Captain seat. I thought I had to go to my doctor to amputate my right leg from lack of circulation.

LOL, many memories of jumpseating on MetroJet just came back to me. An awful seat, but better than the one in the terminal watching it push back without you!

 

[GravityHater]

Lets not diminish the ole static wick jammed in the eye trick!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v105/dirt_mcdirtnap/agen4.jpg

 

[MauleSkinner]

Or my favorite, the "Watch Head" placard on the top step of the entryway. Guaranteed to make emplaning pax look down to read it and as they look down they smash the top of their head on the top of the entry doorframe.

enigma

The Falcon 10 has a clamshell-type door...you close it from the outside by lifting on the bottom half, which has a similar placard strategically placed so that you read it as the top half comes down on your head. Naturally, this is after you throw your back out lifting bags into the baggage compartment, which is above and behind the aft bench seat.

The Falcon 200 has a drain or vent on the bottom of the engines that they call "Cochise" because of the amount of scalp it's taken over the years.

The Hawker has been pretty good to me...the only time I've hurt myself on it was when I tripped over the cargo net and fell while carrying one of the boss' concrete yard animals down the aisle

Fly safe!

David

 

[GogglesPisano]

MD11: For a widebody it's got the most crowded cockpit you can imagine. With an RO seat right in the middle like Capt Kirk's con (sp?) that requires a type-rating just to move.

The A320: A pilot's dream other than the FA call buzzer that shocks you awake during a red-eye.

CRJ: The capt has his Gen 1 switch, the FO has his Manual Press knob.

D328J: Those concrete seats.

 

[FrozenPilot]

I've found a couple nifty ones on my Aztec

-My head always finds the edge of the hold open arm for the rear cargo door
-The armrest socket that likes to eat skin when you switch tanks

And on most high-wing Cessnas if you haven't received a diamond stamp, hit your head on a flap or strut, or whacked shin on the gear leg, then you just haven't been initiated.

 

[mike1mc]

The Branding Iron (aka Cockpit Reading Light) in the early Lears.