Ahh yes, the beauty of it all.....

[hyper]

Here is a home study simulator course for those who still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline flying. It will all come back to you if you practice the following at home:

1. Stay out of bed all night.

2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or ten
hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.

3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.

4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a
bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three
hours, simulating flying an eastbound flight into the sunrise.

5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the night.

6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your
spouse to slam the door frequently.

7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to
stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat.

8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn on
your sprinklers and stand out in the cold "rain" for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew car.

9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.

10. When your spouse inquires, "Just what in the hell have you been doing?" just say, "Recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places," as you collapse into bed.

11. If you are a purist, do this two nights in a row.

 

[rice]

Yeah and the pay is great too!!

 

[Mookie]

Beats workin' for a livin'.

mookie

 

[Lonestar]

I've been a freight hauler most of my career and that is pretty much dead-on...except for the part about having food and coffee brought to you. The only food we got on flights were in MMGL (Guadalajara) when the ground crew would bring up Mexican "cat sandwiches" for the three of us. Amazing what you will eat after hunger and exhaustion sank in 7 or 8 hours ago. Gotta love those "International Duty Limits"... HA!!!

Oh, I forgot - it's really great when you get to see the "Angry Orange Orb" rise while you're still sitting in the same seat you were when it set.

 

[Clownpilot]

Hmmmm

My advice is to go in the back, open up all the boxes, take all the good stuff out and put it in you suitcase. When you get to your destination claim that a couple renegade lears jumped you.


Or just quit.

Scr8w you if you can't take a joke.

 

[Lonestar]

I didn't have to quit...I got furloughed.

Did I mention that I loved every minute of it? I know I will miss that kind of flying someday.

 

[hyper]

it's really great when you get to see the "Angry Orange Orb" rise while you're still sitting in the same seat you were when it set.

Oh so true.

 

[ceo_of_the_sofa]

..... Maybe architecture!

That was my first (of many) majors in college...Oh, to be young again...

 

[Smoking Man]

The angry orange orb, has always attacked the order of the sleepless knights, I feel that there is not a way to smight this foe.

However the quest for ale brings a personal reward, yet the orb dislikes that equally.

 

[Rush Limbaugh]

The best flying by far is taking off at 0100 for a nonstop flight from the western US to Spain. The only thing to look at is the lights of the cities and then about 30 minutes into the Atlantic, the sun comes up but there's nothing but a couple thousand miles of water to look at. The route of flight takes you EXACTLY into the sun so that when you are taking your gas, it is perfectly placed half way between the nose of the tanker and the horizon. It's very exciting to be within feet of a KC-10 and not be able to see it. Then the tanker starts talking about how their crew chief is busy cooking steaks and if you'd like one. You tell them to f*ck off and then realize that you never knew that you actually did want to be a tanker pilot. But that feeling passes when you realize that they do this ultra boring flying all the time.

About the time you are about to punch out just for something to do, you hit the weather. Then you are in close formation in IMC with a tanker and 5 other airplanes. Your cranium is stuck either to the left or the right but you can move it up enough to see that the top of the tankers tail is VMC and if they would only climb a little, you'd be able to spread it out and get rid of the kink in your neck. Then you have to p!ss but your piddle packs are in your G-suit pocket so you try to get one, unstrap and relieve yourself all while you are in the thickest cloud you have ever seen. Once everyone has enough gas, you leave the tanker behind and push it up to .95 mach and put the destination on the nose regardless of whether you actually have clearance to enter the country. Then, you p!ss off a bunch of Spaniards by flying 1,500 feet over several towns going 350 knots. By the time you land, the sun is setting and it just so happens that the active runway is once again exactly into the sun. After a couple bounces with everything still attached to the airplane, most notably the travel pod containing your underwear, you come to a complete stop.

Once on the ramp, you are so ready to get out of that cockpit, you don't even want to wait for the canopy to go up. It is so much faster to just jett the thing. But wait, they have to get chalks out of your travel pod. Heaven forbid they have some waiting for you. After 5 minutes of waiting and having to p!ss again, they finally let you shut down. Then they have to get a crowbar and a couple 2X4's to pry you out of the airplane and carry you over to the crew van.

You drag yourself to your room where you prepare to do it all over again the next day only next time, you won't be landing in a place like Spain.

Oh how much I love to fly...but only 1 hour at a time.