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A little aviation humor for the holidays

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Well-known member
Nov 27, 2001
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS
pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way .....Quantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers
lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Quantas has had an acciedent recorded on airdisaster.com If you look on the web site you'll see a Quantas B-747 parked in a golf course at the end of a runway. hat was a pretty big accident.

Check it out.
This has been going around for YEARS!
It was originally attributed to the Air Force, but I think it's been attributed to every branch and every airline. Quantas is a new one to me.
It was funny the first few times...
Hey everybody.....ready for this? Qantas doesn't have a "U"

Really I'm not kidding! It actually is an acronym for.....

Queensland and Northern Territories Air Service

Just a tidbit of knowledge to impress upon your flying buddies!

Happy Holidays and fly safe! TF
Modern Folk Tale

It doesn't matter if it's true, It is a modern folk tale. Just like ghost stories...let your imagination run a little. It made me smile, and I've heard it before.

Just what I needed.


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