BEECH-SLAPPED
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2004
- Posts
- 179
Does anyone think we should notify the TSA and have this guy "inconvenienced" for a bit?
Pilots, quit the gabbing and just fly
May 21, 2007
BY MICHAEL ROSENBERG
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER
I don't believe in the death penalty, except for people who talk during movies. But I am thinking about broadening my position to include pilots who use the loudspeaker too much. And when I say "too much," I mean "at all."
Of course, I would wait until the plane lands before killing the pilot.
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I'm not unreasonable. But why do pilots have to make announcements at all? Once you hop in a giant aluminum tube and pay complete strangers to take you on a joyride 20,000 feet above the planet, you are pretty much in their hands. The least they can do is shut up.
The next time I hear a pilot tell me he expects a smooth flight, or a turbulent flight, or that he is happy to have us aboard, I am going to pass around a hat so we can all chip in to buy garden shears, which we will then use to remove the pilot's larynx.
I feel strongly about this. Perhaps you've noticed.
I just don't think it takes a particularly astute person to figure out that when the flight attendant starts pushing the beverage cart down the aisle, it is time to order a beverage.
And I have taken several hundred flights in my life, and I have never once looked out the window and thought, "You know, I just must know which way the wind is blowing out there."
You are 4 miles above the planet. At that point, the only reason to care about the wind direction is if you plan to step out onto the wing, mid-flight, and hit a four-iron, and I am not so stupid as to try that again.
You know that little seat-belt light, right? The one that tells you to buckle up because you are either about to hit turbulence or your pilot wants to "try something." They should add a cell-phone light and kill the pilot mic. That's all we need to know: Turn the cell phone off or buckle up.
I am willing to make two exceptions to this rule.
1. The "I Hear Sioux Falls Is Lovely This Time of Year" Exception
If the plane has to make an emergency landing, the pilot is allowed to tell you. Though even this exception is murky, because let's face it: If he didn't say a word, and you didn't realize you had an emergency landing until you walked into the terminal and saw the "Welcome to Sioux Falls" sign, would you really be any worse off?
2. The Grand Canyon Exception
The pilot is allowed to tell you if you are flying directly over the Grand Canyon, so you can look out the window and be awestruck. To clarify: I don't mean that the pilot can tell you about famous sights like the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon Exception only applies to the Grand Canyon itself. Sorry, Rocky Mountains, but from 20,000 feet you are just Earth acne anyway.
I can figure out everything else on my own, thank you very much. When the wheels leave the ground, we've left; when the wheels hit the ground, we've landed; and when my socks get wet, it's time to put on a life preserver. Now shut up and fly, OK?
Contact MICHAEL ROSENBERG at [email protected].
Pilots, quit the gabbing and just fly
May 21, 2007
BY MICHAEL ROSENBERG
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER
I don't believe in the death penalty, except for people who talk during movies. But I am thinking about broadening my position to include pilots who use the loudspeaker too much. And when I say "too much," I mean "at all."
Of course, I would wait until the plane lands before killing the pilot.
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OAS_AD('ArticleFlex_1');
The next time I hear a pilot tell me he expects a smooth flight, or a turbulent flight, or that he is happy to have us aboard, I am going to pass around a hat so we can all chip in to buy garden shears, which we will then use to remove the pilot's larynx.
I feel strongly about this. Perhaps you've noticed.
I just don't think it takes a particularly astute person to figure out that when the flight attendant starts pushing the beverage cart down the aisle, it is time to order a beverage.
And I have taken several hundred flights in my life, and I have never once looked out the window and thought, "You know, I just must know which way the wind is blowing out there."
You are 4 miles above the planet. At that point, the only reason to care about the wind direction is if you plan to step out onto the wing, mid-flight, and hit a four-iron, and I am not so stupid as to try that again.
You know that little seat-belt light, right? The one that tells you to buckle up because you are either about to hit turbulence or your pilot wants to "try something." They should add a cell-phone light and kill the pilot mic. That's all we need to know: Turn the cell phone off or buckle up.
I am willing to make two exceptions to this rule.
1. The "I Hear Sioux Falls Is Lovely This Time of Year" Exception
If the plane has to make an emergency landing, the pilot is allowed to tell you. Though even this exception is murky, because let's face it: If he didn't say a word, and you didn't realize you had an emergency landing until you walked into the terminal and saw the "Welcome to Sioux Falls" sign, would you really be any worse off?
2. The Grand Canyon Exception
The pilot is allowed to tell you if you are flying directly over the Grand Canyon, so you can look out the window and be awestruck. To clarify: I don't mean that the pilot can tell you about famous sights like the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon Exception only applies to the Grand Canyon itself. Sorry, Rocky Mountains, but from 20,000 feet you are just Earth acne anyway.
I can figure out everything else on my own, thank you very much. When the wheels leave the ground, we've left; when the wheels hit the ground, we've landed; and when my socks get wet, it's time to put on a life preserver. Now shut up and fly, OK?
Contact MICHAEL ROSENBERG at [email protected].
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