Hey John,
Thank you so much for having the cajones to post what happened to you. Most aviators are content to hide their skeletons from everyone, including themselves. As a result, nobody gets the opprtunity to learn from what happened. There's an old adage in the fighter community that goes something like: "It's better to die than to look bad." As a pilot and a safety professional, I appreciate your candor.
Concerning your pending violation, I'll try to avoid any barracks lawyering. I think both Andy and 501260 have given you excellent advice. One thing I would do though with so much at stake, is to GET A SECOND OPINION! There are lawyers out there who specialize in pilot/controller deviations. I don't know of any specifically, but call Jerry Eichenberger in Columbus Ohio. Jerry has practiced aviation law since the late 60's, and when I was taking lessons at OSU Airport in the early 80's he had a Commanche and an instrument rating. Very well-thought of guy who, if he can't assist you personally, should be able to steer you towards the right person in your area of the country.
There are probably lots of bitter types on these boards who will tell you you'll never get hired. If you believe them, you won't. If you turn this into a positive experience and learn from it, I think it has the potential to actually help you. Most of us have been much closer to another A/C than we would have liked to be, and there but for TCAS II and the grace of God, go we.
Look at it this way: Orville Wright, Jimmy Doolittle, Glenn Curtis, Tex Johnson, Neil Armstrong, Gene Cernan, Chuck Yeager, Eddie Rickenbacker, Barry Schiff, Richard Bach, Curtis LeMay, Douglas Bader, Antoine De St. Exupery and you all have something in common. (Accident)
Dude, I am so glad y'all are alive! Just keep pluggin' away.
Warm Regards,
DAN