stupid me

[bart]

Avbug, 3 questions:

Is that your first function?
Where do you jump?
How many jumps do you have?

I have had two, one a streamer on my rig (slow openings are nice but had rolled and packed the nose way too far back) and the other a lineover on a tandem. Scared the crap out of the passenger, they thought I was cutting them away, and screamed for a grand after the reserve was open...

 

[avbug]

No, that was my second reserve ride...but the first was thirteen years ago, and also largely due to stupidity (trend?). I believe I posted some of that a while back.

The first function occured on Halloween. We were doing pumpkin jumps. It invoved an exit at three thousand for a hop-and-pop, deploying the canopy right out the door. Then a descent to two grand or so to drop the pumpkin into a trashcan marked with panel markers. Then the jumper would fly his or her canopy to the gravel "peas" for an accuracy attempt on a 3 cm electronic disc. Who ever got the closest aggregate score between the trashcan bombing and the peas, won the pot. (Ah, that's "money," not actual pot, by the way)

I was concerned about being able to get out of the airplane clutching the pumpkin, and get stable, and deploy. On my load, the first two people out the door were current and former world paraski champions, each with 4,000+ jumps. I had brought a large pumpkin with a big don't-worry-be-happy face carved into it (proudly done late the night before). They carried small orange pumpkin-like gourds that fit in the palm of their hands. They made the exit picture perfect; they made it look easy.

A really big angry gentleman was behind me in the airplane yelling to get out, and I hung in the door long enough to miss the spot. I called for a go-around and a climb to four thousand (AGL). On the second pass, he was still yelling, and out of compulsion, I made a diving exit and decided to figure it out in the air.

I held the pumpkin against my chest with the left hand, and instinctively put out the right as I exited, causing an immediate roll and then tumble. Being unstable, my thoughts turned to delaying opening...and the possibility of trying to hold onto that big pumpkin at terminal velocity when opening my main parachute.

I made a decision to get the pilot chute out quickly, so I tossed it. That was a bad decision, as I was still unstable, and the bridle ended up wrapped neatly around my right elbow about the time I did get stable. I was wearing a thick ski suit, as it was winter and cold at that altitude. The bridle pulled into the fabric of the suit, and it was stuck. I tried falling sideways to pull it off, but I was out of luck.

At that point I was stable, and the pumpkin was resting in my left outstretched palm, with the big stupid don't-worry-be-happy face gawking at me. I didn't like looking at the face, and decided I couldn't keep the pumpkin. I gave it a little shove, and it drifted out of reach and began to head down and away. About that time I observed the rural highway below and ahead of me, with a few cars on the road. I reflected on the possibility that if I survived my own stupidity, I might be the first person to be arrested for killing someone with a pumpkin.

I pulled the reserve with the left hand, and the ripcord jammed half way out. I used two hands and pulled hard, drawing the ripcord clear of the housing. The lower pin on the cord blew upward in the relative wind and broke my front tooth.

I was jumping a 24 foot round parachute for a reserve, and it opened HARD. To ensure that things could indeed get worse, those who jump understand that an important reason for ensuring that legstraps are kept tight is that things can drift under them and become unbearably compressed during opening. Thanks to a sick minded murphy, at least one thing did drift under the leg strap on opening, and made it's presence known almost immediately.

Down below people were pointing in awe. They wondered what that round thing was; didn't they make parachutes like that once, they asked. Nobody down there had ever seen a round parachute jumped before (except me, and I was wearing it). With no real steering capability, I drifted onto and PLF'd the runway, and landed like the proverbial sack of bricks. Murphy being such a good pal, this occured about the time that the jump airplane was touching down. It missed me largely due to the ability to skid on the gravel runway.

I made three more jumps that day to ensure that I was back on the horse. As my last malfunction occured yesterday, I made two more jumps today. Tomorrow if I make it, I anticipate a cream pie in the face...as this is a traditional milestone reward at DZ's around the world. I already had to bring a case of beer to the DZ as pennance for going to a reserve; I'll owe another tomorrow, plus wiskey for the rigger who packed that reserve (traditional, but he doesn't drink, so it's probably a case of diet coke). Such responsibility!

 

[tcoll777]

How long does it take for a rig to open once you pull the (fate) handle?. If you had to ball at 600agl could you survive?

 

[avbug]

Possibly. At terminal velocity, if one were stable and spread out for the slowest fall rate, one might have three seconds at that point. Given a bare minimum of 1.5 seconds after the ripcord is pulled for the spring loaded pilot chute to catch air and remove the deployment bag from your bag, unstow all the lines, separate from the canopy, and for the canopy to inflate and push the slider down to you, it would have to be exact and fast.

My main often takes about 500 feet from the time I reach for it until its open.

Part of the problem is that during a malfunction, you're not stable and spred for a slow fall rate. You're often contorted, and this can lead to a faster fall rate. If you've cut away, then you're in who-knows-what position after having been flung from the malfunction you've just cleared. You're falling faster, unstable, and at some point, probably on your back (where you don't want to be when deploying).

Most jumpers today use a small automatic activation device called a "cypress" that will use a very small explosive charge to sever the reserve container closing loop with a miniature knife blade. This occurs automatically at 800 feet AGL if a given rate of descent is detected. Cypresses have saved a numbe of lives over the years. I don't have one on my rig, however, and the only backup is altitude awareness and a willingness to pull the handle. Weather one uses an AAD or not, one should always pull the handle. That's what I do.

 

[bart]

I never wore a Cypres til I started doing AFF. It has never deployed but I was worried on one level 4 when the student decided to stand on his knees at pull time... took me until 2 grand to get him under canopy and I pulled at about 1200.

 

[TurboS7]

I was just beginning to try and talk my wife into a tandem jump for her birthday present....jeeeeezzzz.

 

[avbug]

Turbo,

You still should. She would love it!