On the funnier side...

AMANSWORLD

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After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
 

bailey3083

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Most of these are Military write ups that have been posted for years. The give away? Commercial aircraft do not have a IFF.
 

TOOL CRIB

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Ok quick, someone post the joke about the ATC speed checks with the C172, airliner and the SR-71. I first saw those writeup jokes 10 years ago.
 

CA1900

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Don't forget the British Airways crew flying into Frankfurt....

<yawn>
 

COOPERVANE

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No Ma'am, blackbird 237 would like to descend to 80,000 feet
 

G2T

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Even though this shows up every couple of months, I still laugh when I get to the one about the midget with a hammer!:laugh:
 

rickair7777

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Most of these are Military write ups that have been posted for years. The give away? Commercial aircraft do not have a IFF.

Actually, they do have IFF, but they call it a transponder. Mode 3A & 3C are sub-components of military IFF (which has a number of additional modes which provide more info)
 

stein429

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Modes A and C...

Actually modes A and C are functionalities that ATCers, both military and civilian, use to assist in the management of traffic for the airspace they are expected to provide air traffic services. Mode 3 is the military's reference to the Mode A functionality. The military has managed to "exploit" utilizing Mode 3/A and Mode C in the Combat ID decision making loop. Folks refer to all of the transponder functionalities as IFF because it is convenient to do so!
 

FlySacto

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Actually, they do have IFF, but they call it a transponder. Mode 3A & 3C are sub-components of military IFF (which has a number of additional modes which provide more info)

Mode 4=IFF
Mode 5c= alt

We also had provisions for modes 1 and 2 but I don't remember the details. Hit a mode 4 equiped aircraft with the right interogation code and it would respond back with a proper code and bloomers on the radar display.
 

G2T

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This thread isn't on the funnier side anymore. As far as transponders go, I turn it on with some numbers dialed in before I leave. If Atc says it's not working, I turn the other one on.
 
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