Memorable memos from management

[mar]

Over on Doc's FAR Bulletin Board (www.propilot.com) there was a short discussion about policies expressed by some chief pilots.

Here are two samples:

--Two approach plates in a two pilot cockpit is a distraction and dangerous.

--Bald tires are better because there's more surface area in contact with the pavement.

So those got me thinking about some silly memos I've come across (from a former employer):

--(After we went through several brakes) "Good pilots don't use the brakes."

--(After we had a fatal crash) "Don't talk about the company when you're off the property and don't talk about the company when you're on the property."

--(On the issue of buying expensive fuel) "Don't buy fuel in Cold Bay; buy it in Dutch Harbor.

--(On the issue of taking as much weight as we can out of Dutch Harbor) "Plan a fuel stop in Cold Bay."

--(This while screw scheduling is asking pilots to fly on their day off) "Any pilots interested in a Leave of Absence should notify the Chief Pilot."

 

[iaflyer]

boy..

Some of my favorites was:

-- Pilots must be well-fed and rested prior to reporting for a trip. (this at an on-demand freight carrier where the trip could come at any time day or night)

-- ATR 42/72 Pilots: Please do not fly over the eastern edge of the Hudson river when departing Newark VFR northbound, we have recieved noise complaints from residents in the apartments below. (of course, the other side of the river is for SOUTHBOUND traffic, apparently there isn't a problem flying directly AT other aircraft)

iaflyer

 

[Cardinal]

The Scene: Going on 4 years without a contract, rampant junior manning, and near-permanent understaffing.

The Memo: A report generated by crew scheduling listing the several hundred hours of open time for January. Note at the the top "Please, please help us."

 

[SpiffAV8]

If you know the name Gary Hart.....then that's all that needs to be said!

 

[JAFI]

I will add some:

Classics I heard:

“Don’t be late, Penetrate (thunderstorms)”

“Why check the weather, you are going anyhow”

“FAR’s are advisory in nature”

If you call in sick: “Just take Sudafed’s and fly”

--------------------------------------------------
When I was reviewing a manual, I called with some questions:

“Quit reading the stuff I send over for (your) approval”

(He wasn’t joking, he really meant it.)

--------------------------------------------------------

For my self I will add:

Of course I never said or did anything stupid (sarcasm added) in my entire life.

At least I try not to admit it….out loud and in public….


Fly Safe

 

[enigma]

My two favorites

1. (after recieving a briefing that included an FDC notam) "What does the Food and Drug commission have to do with aviation?"

2. "It's safe to take off from a braking action nil, ice covered runway. It's not safe to land on one" (said on a day that when there was so much ice that the tug couldn't pull the airplane out of the hanger)




enigma

 

[Typhoon1244]

I loved it when ASA management finally admitted to itself that they had a serious on-time performance problem. How did they handle it? They stuck out their chins, rolled up their sleeves, and redefined "on-time."

 

[chperplt]

They stuck out their chins, rolled up their sleeves, and redefined "on-time."

That's funny... At my old place of employment, we were told that as long as you were ready to go "on-time", call it on-time.

 

[blueridge71]

That's why we use ACARS based OOOI (out-off-on-in) times now. Of course, any self-respecting captain knows how to beat the system.

 

[enigma]

That's why we use ACARS based OOOI (out-off-on-in) times now. Of course, any self-respecting captain knows how to beat the system.

Sssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.




enigma

 

[GuppyPuppy]

Back from my days at EWA (a now defunct cargo airline)...

Our MEC president had just written a memo to the pilots stating that they should not fly if they are fatigued.

The VP of Flight Operations (God knows how he got into that kind of a position) came back with..."The FAR's talk about not flying when you have a medical condition. Is fatigue a medical condition? I don't think so. If you call in fatigued we will have no other option than to take disciplinary action against you."

I really had to laugh when I read this. I kept it thinking it would be a good document to show a lawyer after I'm disciplined for calling in fatigued.

Wonder what the heck Ted is doing now???

GP

 

[LAZYB]

SpiffAV8

I'd heard that Gary found his calling at Ameriflight. Of course it's been a while, don't know if he's still there...

Pardon me, after I posted I looked at your Bio. A/C suggest you may be "working" with the "chosen one".