Here’s a likely timeline for this guy’s life:
Age 3 – sees first air show and decides he wants to be a fighter pilot
Age 5 – fitted with coke bottle glasses to correct the near legally blind vision his parents genes blessed him with.
Age 6-12: occasionally helps single airline pilot neighbor with yard work, cleaning his pool, working on his classic mustang, boat, etc. (except when these nice ladies called “stewardesses” come over to help instead). Wonders if neighbor has job. Asks neighbor and 3 seconds after explanation decides to be an airline pilot
Age 13 – 7th grade teacher notices and begins to “develop” his natural born gift for audio/visual equipment by pleading with him to help her get the afternoon “health” movie on the birds & the bees to run. By 8th grade he is President of the A/V club and he pays for it daily with beatings from both the “jocks” and the “stoners”.
Age 15 – goes to local airport to start flying lessons in pursuit of his career. Receives concussion when he is tackled by one of the A&Ps before walking into the prop of a Mooney. Parents get stronger prescription for glasses once double vision from concussion subsides.
Age 16 – tries another trip to the airport and actually gets up in a -152. Has a panic attack during the turn out of traffic and after 3 full control deflection cycles of the elevator, instructor is forced to beat him into unconsciousness in order to get control of the aircraft. Unable to attend lawsuit proceedings due to double vision. As a side-note, FAA issues an AD requiring structural reinforcement of -152 empennage.
Age 17 – Father threatens extreme bodily harm if he goes near another aircraft. Buys him a PC and version 1.0 of MS Flight Simulator. Thinks it’s pretty cool (and less stressful than a real airplane). Parents forced to lock up PC after he plays for 78 consecutive hours and ends up in summer school to get HS diploma.
Age 19 – Through intense counseling, hypnosis and other “non-traditional” techniques, he breaks the hold flight sim has over him. Gets full scholarship to college to study “Audio visual sciences” and receives B.S. in 13 months.
Age 22 – youngest VP of broadcasting at NBC. Record salary in second year with company. Becomes romantic target of aspiring local weather girl hoping to sleep her way into a network job. Loses his virginity on their second date (only because on the first date he “released the doves” in his pants when she touched his thigh during their first kiss). They are married 3 weeks later.
Age 25 – Promoted to President of International Broadcasting requiring significant overseas travel. Tunes into “Channel 9” on the on board entertainment and listens to 13 hours of ATC communications on UAL flight bound for Narita. Unable to focus during meetings and blows deal. Flight back to U.S. is marred by several “incidents”: Will not leave seat for fear of missing a radio call over channel 9. Stench of urine forces other passengers to beg flight attendants to remove him from immediate area. After getting him cleaned up, the only other seat available is the cockpit jump seat. As flight continues, between sobs of grateful joy, he is able to communicate to the cockpit crew that he has “always wanted to be a pilot but he had poor vision”. Follows Captain off the aircraft upon arrival and both are seen in a dead sprint by the time they reach baggage claim. Captain loses him in long term parking.
Next day, goes to Best Buy and spends $9237.46 on computers, monitors, software.
Age 26 – Fired from NBC after calling in sick for 84 days in 3 months.
Age 27 – Receives approval for first of 12 home equity loans allowing him to purchase old simulator parts, more monitors, joysticks, and actual aircraft parts, etc. Blows a 10 square mile electrical grid the first time he powers it up. Calls to invite Bill Gates to his house to “check out his flight simulator” and asks him to autograph his MS Flight Simulator version 9.0 box. Gates doesn’t return the call.
Age 28 – Wife stops leaving food outside the “simulator building” he constructed next to his house.
Age 29 – Makes first flight around the world in his simulator in real time. During first attempt, PC locks up and must be re-booted over the Himalayas forcing a “do over”.
Age 30 – Divorce final.
Age 35 – Hears about B-2 Missouri to Afghanistan combat missions. Calls Whiteman AFB to offer advice on long mission B-2 simulator training. They accept and he shows up at base main gate with 11 completed logbooks with a combined logged time of 45,812.4 hours. 0.4 hours dual received in a -152 is proudly displayed in book #1 highlighted in yellow. Hired under Americans with disabilities act into first job in 9 years. Quits on second day when USAF officials refuse to add a little B-2 model that moves in sync with the simulator next to the pilot’s seat.
Here’s a likely timeline for this guy’s life:
Age 3 – sees first air show and decides he wants to be a fighter pilot
Age 5 – fitted with coke bottle glasses to correct the near legally blind vision his parents genes blessed him with.
Age 6-12: occasionally helps single airline pilot neighbor with yard work, cleaning his pool, working on his classic mustang, boat, etc. (except when these nice ladies called “stewardesses” come over to help instead). Wonders if neighbor has job. Asks neighbor and 3 seconds after explanation decides to be an airline pilot
Age 13 – 7th grade teacher notices and begins to “develop” his natural born gift for audio/visual equipment by pleading with him to help her get the afternoon “health” movie on the birds & the bees to run. By 8th grade he is President of the A/V club and he pays for it daily with beatings from both the “jocks” and the “stoners”.
Age 15 – goes to local airport to start flying lessons in pursuit of his career. Receives concussion when he is tackled by one of the A&Ps before walking into the prop of a Mooney. Parents get stronger prescription for glasses once double vision from concussion subsides.
Age 16 – tries another trip to the airport and actually gets up in a -152. Has a panic attack during the turn out of traffic and after 3 full control deflection cycles of the elevator, instructor is forced to beat him into unconsciousness in order to get control of the aircraft. Unable to attend lawsuit proceedings due to double vision. As a side-note, FAA issues an AD requiring structural reinforcement of -152 empennage.
Age 17 – Father threatens extreme bodily harm if he goes near another aircraft. Buys him a PC and version 1.0 of MS Flight Simulator. Thinks it’s pretty cool (and less stressful than a real airplane). Parents forced to lock up PC after he plays for 78 consecutive hours and ends up in summer school to get HS diploma.
Age 19 – Through intense counseling, hypnosis and other “non-traditional” techniques, he breaks the hold flight sim has over him. Gets full scholarship to college to study “Audio visual sciences” and receives B.S. in 13 months.
Age 22 – youngest VP of broadcasting at NBC. Record salary in second year with company. Becomes romantic target of aspiring local weather girl hoping to sleep her way into a network job. Loses his virginity on their second date (only because on the first date he “released the doves” in his pants when she touched his thigh during their first kiss). They are married 3 weeks later.
Age 25 – Promoted to President of International Broadcasting requiring significant overseas travel. Tunes into “Channel 9” on the on board entertainment and listens to 13 hours of ATC communications on UAL flight bound for Narita. Unable to focus during meetings and blows deal. Flight back to U.S. is marred by several “incidents”: Will not leave seat for fear of missing a radio call over channel 9. Stench of urine forces other passengers to beg flight attendants to remove him from immediate area. After getting him cleaned up, the only other seat available is the cockpit jump seat. As flight continues, between sobs of grateful joy, he is able to communicate to the cockpit crew that he has “always wanted to be a pilot but he had poor vision”. Follows Captain off the aircraft upon arrival and both are seen in a dead sprint by the time they reach baggage claim. Captain loses him in long term parking.
Next day, goes to Best Buy and spends $9237.46 on computers, monitors, software.
Age 26 – Fired from NBC after calling in sick for 84 days in 3 months.
Age 27 – Receives approval for first of 12 home equity loans allowing him to purchase old simulator parts, more monitors, joysticks, and actual aircraft parts, etc. Blows a 10 square mile electrical grid the first time he powers it up. Calls to invite Bill Gates to his house to “check out his flight simulator” and asks him to autograph his MS Flight Simulator version 9.0 box. Gates doesn’t return the call.
Age 28 – Wife stops leaving food outside the “simulator building” he constructed next to his house.
Age 29 – Makes first flight around the world in his simulator in real time. During first attempt, PC locks up and must be re-booted over the Himalayas forcing a “do over”.
Age 30 – Divorce final.
Age 35 – Hears about B-2 Missouri to Afghanistan combat missions. Calls Whiteman AFB to offer advice on long mission B-2 simulator training. They accept and he shows up at base main gate with 11 completed logbooks with a combined logged time of 45,812.4 hours. 0.4 hours dual received in a -152 is proudly displayed in book #1 highlighted in yellow. Hired under Americans with disabilities act into first job in 9 years. Quits on second day when USAF officials refuse to add a little B-2 model that moves in sync with the simulator next to the pilot’s seat.
Here’s a likely timeline for this guy’s life:
Age 35 – Hears about B-2 Missouri to Afghanistan combat missions. Calls Whiteman AFB to offer advice on long mission B-2 simulator training. They accept and he shows up at base main gate with 11 completed logbooks with a combined logged time of 45,812.4 hours. 0.4 hours dual received in a -152 is proudly displayed in book #1 highlighted in yellow. Hired under Americans with disabilities act into first job in 9 years. Quits on second day when USAF officials refuse to add a little B-2 model that moves in sync with the simulator next to the pilot’s seat.
