Funny UPS vs. Fedex story

[ABXbooger]

UPS Declares War On FEDEX! Gun Battles Erupt Nation Wide
By Kamal El Din, Uninformed Sources News, Monday February 28, 2005


Unconfirmed Sources report that The United Parcel Service has launched a preemptive strike on rival shipping firm Federal Express. UPS Forces launched dozens of coordinated attacks on FedEx processing depots across the nation. During the attacks UPS troops destroyed trucks and equipment and also captured many thousands of packages before withdrawing to heavily fortified UPS Stores and package processing centers.

Fedex, having been totally surprised by the swiftness and ferocity of the attacks, took several hours to regroup and mount a counter strike. Faster Fedex Overnight trucks overtook a few of the slower UPS trucks returning to their depots and recaptured some of the stolen packages. FedEx forces then attacked several lightly defended UPS terminals but by-passed the larger more heavily defended facilities.

Daybreak finds the two companies pulling out of their weaker markets and shifting assets to defend their most profitable areas. New reports confirm that the two companies are now fighting house to house to control specific high value commercial districts nation wide. Heavily armed conveys of several trucks each are now picking up and delivering packages and having running battles in the contested areas. Elsewhere, behind the front lines, package services are returning to normal. Representatives of each company are fanning out to sign up shippers abandoned during the recent market realignment.

A spokesmen for UPS spoke to reporters and financial analysts this morning in a conference call and explained the situation. "The management team of UPS had decided it was time for a bold move to ensure the survival of our company. Our market has become very competitive recently and we needed to prove to the market that UPS is a strong, vibrant and creative company." "We decided to follow President Bush's policy of preemption and developed a plan called "Next Day Air Kreig". Last night UPS mounted a pre-emptive attack on our largest rival FedEx. This morning we now hold 67% of the residential package delivery market and 72% of the lucrative commercial package delivery market."

"We are pleased to announce that due to our bold action we have achieved a market position that will ensure good financial returns in the coming quarters." Wall Street seems to be betting on UPS as its share price rose 32% in early trading while FedEx has plunged by 67%. A statement released by FedEx indicated that it would not cede its market share to UPS and warned that the struggle for dominance of the US package delivery market was just beginning. (Just Kidding, Tee Hee, Tee Hee)

 

[Big Beer Belly]

Here's The Real Battleground!

02/27/2005 - Updated 11:47 PM ET


UPS Says It Has Big Plans for China


HONG KONG, Feb 27, 2005 (AP Online via COMTEX) -- The world's largest package-delivery service, United Parcel Service Inc., is looking to China's burgeoning logistics market to drive growth for its earnings as the company's home market in the United States stagnates, a company official says.


"Our plan in China is really aggressive," said Daniel Chen, managing director for strategic planning and development for UPS in China.


"We are ahead of many players here in the field in terms of expanding and building up infrastructure," Chen said, noting the Atlanta-based firm has committed over $600 million in the past three months for investment in China.


Of the total capital expenditure earmarked for China, about $500 million will be used to expand infrastructure by building 20 new warehouse and distribution facilities over the next two years. This will bring the total number of such centers to 60 by the end of 2006, Chen said Friday.


UPS also plans to invest $100 million in expanding a joint-venture express delivery company with Sinotrans Group, one of China's biggest express parcel operators.


When the deal is concluded, UPS will own the company, making it the first foreign company to have a wholly owned operation in the express parcel business in China once Beijing has relaxed ownership rules in the sector at the end of the year under the World Trade Organization.


Once that happens, Chen said, UPS will have wholly owned operations in 23 locations in China covering 200 cities.


UPS's expansion in China follows a banner year for the company's China operations in 2004, when its export volume in the market doubled, reflecting the country's surging economy.


Chen expects business volume from China to grow at a faster rate in 2005 than in previous years.


"We grew 100 percent last year while growth in the year before was between 50 percent and 60 percent," Chen said.


"So if you take that trend and project it onto this year, the growth could be as high as 200 percent," he said.


Chen said UPS' future expansion in China may involve acquisitions of either international or local companies.


His bullish outlook for China contrasts with the firm's sluggish operating environment in its home market, the United States, where the company makes the bulk its revenue. UPS reported a mere 1.3 percent on-year rise in fourth-quarter earnings from its overall operations, down from 20 percent in the third quarter, due to competitive pressures.


In China, UPS provides international parcel express and logistics services. Its main clients are multinational and foreign companies operating in China.


But Chen said foreign package companies, which are so far only allowed to service international shipments, will be able to offer domestic delivery services in China under the WTO.


"Basically, the entire market will be open and there will be a lot of opportunities," Chen said.


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