Funny ATC

[LXApilot]

I've always like hearing about funny stuff you guys hear on ATC:
I heard this yesterday morning... approx. 130 SW of OTT

""Washington Center, Continental 1179 checking on flight level three-three-zero intermittent light chop................... what the hell is wrong with this f*cking thing?... Are you keying a mike?... Hello?... We aren't getting any response....." (sound of fidgeting in the cockpit)... (click, click, click) ......... "Washington Center, do you read Continental 1179?" - "Continental 1179 , Washington Center roger - good morning. You might want to check out your mike." ... "Eww.. you heard that?" ... "yeah- and so did about 50 other people- and probably everyone aboard that United plane right behind you." "Well, that wasnt us, if that counts." "Yeah riiight, I won't tell anyone if you won't."

What is the funniest thing you guys have heard lately?

 

[Nolife]

ATC talk

This could be a myth, but supposedly a guy flying 135 in the middle of the night once asked for immediate vectors to the nearest airport. A startled controller asked why and the response was, “Pilot #2 emergency!"

 

[Vspeeds]

Uniform Code

LXAPilot, hope ya made sure they were following company specs for "proper uniform" code. Or did ya take them aside & have a lil' chat?:

 

[FL717]

Re: Uniform Code

LXAPilot, hope ya made sure they were following company specs for "proper uniform" code. Or did ya take them aside & have a lil' chat?:

LOLOL!! TOUGH CROWD!!!

 

[floatflyer99]

Not really that funny, but situationally humorous:

We depart VFR out of Hamilton, MT and through about 7,000 we call Salt Lake Center.
Center has no record of our flight plan, so we call flight service, get it sorted and get back with center.
Salt Lake Center: "What's your current position?"
Us: "Over the Missoula VOR @ 12,500"
Salt Lake: "You're in Spokane approach's airspace now switch 1xx.xx"
So we immediately switch to Spokane approach and call level 12,500, still trying to pick up our IFR clearance.
Spokane comes back: "Radar identified, switch Salt Lake Center."
We look at each other, puzzled.

The lady working SLC that day was either really confused or really trying to piss us off.

I can sympathize with the continental crew, mic buttons in the King Air seem to have a half-life of about 4 weeks. You'll get half-way through a call and it'll cut out, back in, and then you start all over again. I hate sounding like a jerk on the radio.

 

[crash-proof]

Re: Uniform Code

LXAPilot, hope ya made sure they were following company specs for "proper uniform" code. Or did ya take them aside & have a lil' chat?:

Be nice now, he just might delete this thread too!!!!!!!!!

 

[Vladimir Lenin]

Heard this near Washington the other day, a female Potomac approach kept speeding up and slowing down a SW 73 inbound to BWI and the guy finally got tired and just groaned "This ain't a rollercoaster, you know"

 

[ifly4food]

I've always like hearing about funny stuff you guys hear on ATC:
I heard this yesterday morning... approx. 130 SW of OTT

""Washington Center, Continental 1179 checking on flight level three-three-zero intermittent light chop................... what the hell is wrong with this f*cking thing?... Are you keying a mike?... Hello?... We aren't getting any response....." (sound of fidgeting in the cockpit)... (click, click, click) ......... "Washington Center, do you read Continental 1179?" - "Continental 1179 , Washington Center roger - good morning. You might want to check out your mike." ... "Eww.. you heard that?" ... "yeah- and so did about 50 other people- and probably everyone aboard that United plane right behind you." "Well, that wasnt us, if that counts." "Yeah riiight, I won't tell anyone if you won't."

What is the funniest thing you guys have heard lately?

This is an old one. 100% urban legend. Nice try, LXA.

I suppose the TWA (or NWA, or BA) Captain in Frankfurt story is true too, eh? Oh, wait, you were there, right?

 

[T-Gates]

Re: Re: Funny ATC

This is an old one. 100% urban legend. Nice try, LXA.

I suppose the TWA (or NWA, or BA) Captain in Frankfurt story is true too, eh? Oh, wait, you were there, right?

Yep, he was there. And he told the captain that his shoulder boards were on backwards too.

--03M

 

[mckpickle]

FLight 1179 departs EWR @645 am arrives ORD @ 807am type 737/500.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Re: Re: Re: Funny ATC

Yep, he was there. And he told the captain that his shoulder boards were on backwards too.

Ha-hah!

 

[cessna_driver2]

come on guys. Your gonna scare the poor kid away now.

Or in the least give him the idea that pilots are all slobs and don't care about our own appearance....


Uh nevermind he figured that out on his own.

 

[LXApilot]

You guys managed to derail a pretty good thread, yet again.

I looked back over the flight paperwork of when/where
we were when we heard this transmission.

7/29/03 at FL330
Washington Center freq. 134.02
Position - approx. 100 SW of OTT (Nottingham)
I have our time over OTT as 0843local
so I figure this must have been about 0827 or so.

Who knows if his flight number was 1179 - but that
was what I thought it was. I didn't write it down,
just tried to remember off the top of my head.

 

[mullet]

LXa pilot,
I think the frequency was 133.02. Who cares you nipple!

 

[crash-proof]

Adults are so mean

 

[cessna_driver2]

Ok enough of the tom foolery. We are all one big disfunctional family anyway.


But back to subject at hand. This truely happened to me on a cross-country from RVS to LOV.

"Ft. worth center southwest xxxx. was wondering if we could get the straight in for xx in OKC."

"southwest stand Bye."

"Roger, we're willing to pay for the straight in"

"roger southwest let me give you my address"

silence for a little bit while controller checks w/ OKC.

After a bit they were cleared for the straight in. But they came back and said.

"Ft. Worth soutwest again. We just got to thinking that sounded like bribing a federal offical. That wasn't to good was it?"



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Same trip just later that night.

Cessna xxx (that was me) you have an aerostar off your left wing 5 miles."

I call back a roger and looking. Center than calls the other plane and tells him where Im at.

Aero(whatever) replies in a very annoyed voice. " I am not an aerostar, I am an aerojet. "

So center comes back to me and says
"correct cessna xxxx you know have and aerojet of your left wing at 5 miles."

 

[Typhoon1244]

Adults are so mean.

You call that mean?!? Get that friggin' avatar out of here! Jesus! I about puked!

 

[FSB99]

christmas night a few years back, going into cleveland.. someone in front of us checks in on the approach, pleasantries exchanged, etc. pilot asks approach if Santa brought him anything good. controller replies with, "no, not this year." pilot then asks, "well, did he leave anything for me?" controller says, "uh.. yeah... you can have my alimony payment for the year!" pilot comes back with, "oh, sorry.. i've already got one of my own, thanks." approach responds with, "it's only 1800 a month!"
i couldn't resist, so, i keyed in with "that's more than i make in a month."

controller replies, "oh, stop it.. no it's not!"

unknown voice, i assume our company behind us keys in, "yes, it is... i know what he makes.. merry christmas!"

 

[Khirsah]

Not necessarily funny, but wondering if it's a procedure thing or an individual controller thing. Every time I hear it, I'm thinking, "This guy thinks I'm an idiot."

Oh, for the sake of argument I'll be 2 miles south about to turn a right downwind for runway 9 at a smaller Class D airport.

"Podunk tower, Baron 12345 is 6 miles north, landing."

"Baron 12345, Podunk tower, report midfield left downwind runway 9."

"Report midfield left downwind for 9, Baron 12345."

"Skyhawk 12345, Podunk Tower, traffic is 5 miles north, a Baron, he'll be making a left downwind for runway 9."

Cause I couldn't have figured that one out by listening to the radio. heh.

But is this a procedural issue, or is this kind of a heads up that an individual tower controller might decide to give?

 

[banned username 2]

Pretty much standard procedure, the controller can not assume you are paying attention to radio calls for other planes (even though you should be).

This is very normal...