Praetorian
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For Immediate Release April 5th, 2015:
Ankle Grabbers Society announces it's annual award.
Today the American Society of Ankle Grabbers announced that this years recipient of the prestigious Ankle Grabber award will be the Flexjet pilots who have so far failed to send in union representation cards.
Society president Pusillanimous Wussington said in a statement, "While we are sure that, in the past, segments of other pilot groups have acted in a more shortsighted and naive fashion we were at a loss to identify any. Therefore we are pleased to specifically recognize those Flexjet pilots who have failed to send in union representation cards as this year's recipients of our societies highly coveted award.
Wussington noted, "Following the acquisition of their company by a capital investment firm, these pilots new management took away thousands of dollars in bonus money, aggressively targeted union organizers, cut 401k contributions and even announced plans to force pilots to interview for higher paying positions that had previously been awarded by seniority. On top of this, management pilots from a sister company were arbitrarily awarded higher-paying positions on new larger aircraft they should have been entitled to fly. Although brave peers within their group have diligently tried to persuade them otherwise, these pilots - in true ankle biter fashion- have so far stubbornly failed to take even the most basic of steps to defend themselves or their profession. The Society felt it simply had to acknowledge these pilot's credulity."
Editors Note: The Ankle Grabber award is a small bronze figurine in the likeness of a pilot posed in the prone position, firmly grasping his ankles, while the face gazes furtively upward as though wary of some impending attack.
Ankle Grabbers Society announces it's annual award.
Today the American Society of Ankle Grabbers announced that this years recipient of the prestigious Ankle Grabber award will be the Flexjet pilots who have so far failed to send in union representation cards.
Society president Pusillanimous Wussington said in a statement, "While we are sure that, in the past, segments of other pilot groups have acted in a more shortsighted and naive fashion we were at a loss to identify any. Therefore we are pleased to specifically recognize those Flexjet pilots who have failed to send in union representation cards as this year's recipients of our societies highly coveted award.
Wussington noted, "Following the acquisition of their company by a capital investment firm, these pilots new management took away thousands of dollars in bonus money, aggressively targeted union organizers, cut 401k contributions and even announced plans to force pilots to interview for higher paying positions that had previously been awarded by seniority. On top of this, management pilots from a sister company were arbitrarily awarded higher-paying positions on new larger aircraft they should have been entitled to fly. Although brave peers within their group have diligently tried to persuade them otherwise, these pilots - in true ankle biter fashion- have so far stubbornly failed to take even the most basic of steps to defend themselves or their profession. The Society felt it simply had to acknowledge these pilot's credulity."
Editors Note: The Ankle Grabber award is a small bronze figurine in the likeness of a pilot posed in the prone position, firmly grasping his ankles, while the face gazes furtively upward as though wary of some impending attack.
