wickedride
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2008
- Posts
- 59
Dear co-worker:
The airline industry is in a crisis. Its business model doesn't work with the
current price of fuel and the existing level of capacity in the marketplace. We need to make changes in response.
While there have been several successful fare increases, those increases
haven't been sufficient to cover the rising cost of fuel. As fares increase,
fewer customers will ship via air cargo. As fewer customers ship air freight, we will need to reduce our capacity to match the reduced demand. As we reduce our capacity, we will need fewer employees to operate the airline. Although these changes will be painful, we must adapt to the reality of today's market to successfully navigate these difficult times.
Therefore, a program to phase out the more senior pilots by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. Under this plan, senior pilots will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the new-hires who represent our future. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Pilots). Pilots who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED Pilots can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All pilots who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, a pilot may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If a pilot follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any pilot who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger pilots who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training pilots through our:
Special High Intensity Training ($HIT). We take pride in the amount of $HIT our pilots receive. We have given our pilots more $HIT than any company in this area. If any pilot feels he does not receive enough $HIT on the job, see your Chief Pilot. Your Chief Pilot is specially trained to make sure you receive all the $HIT you can handle.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Disclaimer;
(this is a joke--so have a sense of humor)
The airline industry is in a crisis. Its business model doesn't work with the
current price of fuel and the existing level of capacity in the marketplace. We need to make changes in response.
While there have been several successful fare increases, those increases
haven't been sufficient to cover the rising cost of fuel. As fares increase,
fewer customers will ship via air cargo. As fewer customers ship air freight, we will need to reduce our capacity to match the reduced demand. As we reduce our capacity, we will need fewer employees to operate the airline. Although these changes will be painful, we must adapt to the reality of today's market to successfully navigate these difficult times.
Therefore, a program to phase out the more senior pilots by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. Under this plan, senior pilots will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the new-hires who represent our future. This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Pilots). Pilots who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED Pilots can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All pilots who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, a pilot may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If a pilot follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any pilot who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger pilots who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training pilots through our:
Special High Intensity Training ($HIT). We take pride in the amount of $HIT our pilots receive. We have given our pilots more $HIT than any company in this area. If any pilot feels he does not receive enough $HIT on the job, see your Chief Pilot. Your Chief Pilot is specially trained to make sure you receive all the $HIT you can handle.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
Disclaimer;
(this is a joke--so have a sense of humor)
