Train Conductor Wishes He Was Pilot

[DCMartin]

[font=Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif]Thought this was a funny article:

Train Conductor Wishes He Was Pilot
by Josh Righter[/font]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Though he's not too shabby at running the R46 from Lancaster to Philadelphia everyday, Ray Morris can't help but long for the open blue of the skies.
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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The 47 year-old train conductor's original goal in life was to become a pilot for a
major airline, but "certain setbacks" prevented him from making his dream happen.

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"I guess I just don't have what it takes," Morris said wistfully, staring into the cloudless sky. "That, and I flunked out of pilot's school over seventeen times."

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Forced to take a job as a train conductor to pay the bills, Morris confessed that he sometimes "injects a little pilot" into his job.

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Being a train conductor's okay, but nothing beats being a pilot," he explained. "That's why sometimes I pretend that the R46 is actually a majestic airliner."

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In addition to using "pilot lingo" such as "taking off" when departing the train from the station and "bringing her in for a landing" when arriving, Morris does his best to carry on his dream in his actions, as well.

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"As you can see here, I've attached oxygen masks over almost every seat," the conductor told us, gesturing the ceiling of the R64. "They're not really attached to oxygen, but their psychological value as far as calming down passengers is invaluable." [/font]
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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Morris also begins each train ride just as a pilot might begin his flight.

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Before any departure, I get on the intercom and say, 'Ahhh, good evening folks, this your, ahhh, captain speaking,' and so forth. It just creates more of a personal bond between me and my passengers, and lets them know they've got a friend in the cockpit." [/font]
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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]During the "flight", Morris simulates turbulence and difficult weather conditions for added realism.

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Sometimes I brake suddenly and frequently, as if there's a difficult weather pattern to get through," Morris said. "I've also been known to pretend to radio in to mission control that I've lost power in one of the engines, and that I'm going down fast." [/font]
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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Passengers don't always react to these situations in a positive way, but for Morris, it's all in the line of duty.
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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Every good pilot knows that some people just aren't emotionally equipped to handle the occasional stresses of flying. Luckily, that's where I step in. I'm always prepared to calm down a hysterical passenger, and believe me, we get our share. Some of them don't even realize that we're on a pretend plane."

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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Though he may not be an actual pilot, it is the opinion of this editor, after witnessing a "take-off", that Morris may be the best impersonator of a pilot ever to conduct a train. [/font]
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[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Folks, I hope you enjoy the in-flight movie, entitled, 'Toy Story 2'," Morris announced as passengers stared blankly at the back of their seats. "If you need anything, don't forget to ask our stewardesses. Enjoy your flight!" [/font]
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[secks]

The only thing about this article that doesn't make sense is that today isn't April 1st.

 

[Billy Madison]

Holy crap that was funny. What don't you get about it. That guy is a tool.
Billy.

 

[dseagrav]

Kamikaze pilots wear helmets because it would really suck if your kamikaze crews were KOed by turbulence before hitting the target. It's the same reason you put a safety on bombs until you want them to actually detonate.

 

[DCMartin]

Kamikaze pilots wear helmets because it would really suck if your kamikaze crews were KOed by turbulence before hitting the target. It's the same reason you put a safety on bombs until you want them to actually detonate.

Dude, its a JOKE. Its just a cheesy quote I found on the wonderful internet.

You must be lame or old to actually take it seriously and give a boring response to my quote.

Oh yeah, and thanks for Hijacking the thread (thats sarcasm, by the way)

 

[urflyingme?!]

You wear a helmet because your noggin don't like a 400mph slipstream. Besides, how else can u hide your baldspot

 

[User546]

I went to flight school with a guy who gave up being a train conductor to become a pilot.

Last I heard, he's back to the ole Train Conducting after not being able to find a flying job, and needing a way to pay back all those massive student loans incurred! Heck of a guy he was....

 

[secks]

Holy crap that was funny. What don't you get about it. That guy is a tool.

Billy.

You do realize that this article is 100% fake, right? It's a satire story: http://www.enduringvision.com/archives/train_conductor_wishes.htm

I got a kick out of the part where the "conductor" says "Sometimes I brake suddenly and frequently." I wonder how the engineer feels about that .. "Oh sure, f*ck with my slack, what do I care." Oh yeah, and the author can't seem to decide whether the locomotive is an R46 or R64.

The article is right about one thing .. passenger train conductors are nerds.

A guy I know who works for BNSF in MT worked with a few airline pilots who were unfortunate enough to give that RR a try. One was a 727 pilot for PSA, and two were from United Express. All but one left, and surprisingly they didn't seem any better at the job than your regular high school grad .. not that I'm implying anything. /grin

 

[DCMartin]

Secks, Ive read some of your other posts about RR job info. I apreciate the detailed and informative posts. After experiencing furloughs before, seeeing them all around me with my friends and possibly seeing it in the near future for myself. Just for curiosity's sake I was looking for pay and QOL for RR engineers. I found the article ironic and funny. What is the average starting, 5, and 15 year pay. Whats the job top out at and whats the retirement like.

Also, as a RR enineer yourself, how come you post on flightinfo. Do you fly as a hobby or do you wish to purue a career?

respectfully
DC

 

[falcon20driver]

I don't work for the RR but my father did for 33 years, and my brother has worked for CN for 9 years. You normally start out as a conductor and move into an engineer position within a couple of years, the RR pays a lot different than the airlines, a 1st year conductor/engineer makes the same as a 30 year conductor/engineer, you get paid for the work you do, the way the RR sees it, a 1st year engineer does the same job as a 30 year engineer so he gets the same pay. My brother made $98,000. last year and he booked off quite a bit, he had about 2 months off.

Check out bnsf.com they're hiring all over the U.S., here are some job postings they have right now.
Conductor Trainee MemphisTN 03/29/2005
Conductor Trainee SuperiorWI 04/05/2005
Conductor Trainee Grand ForksND 04/05/2005
Conductor Trainee MandanND 04/05/2005
Conductor Trainee SeattleWA 04/07/2005
Conductor Trainee (NARS Program) GalesburgIL 04/07/2005
Conductor Trainee - Primary Recall Location Los AngelesCA 04/04/2005
Conductor Trainee - Primary Recall Location Fort WorthTX 04/07/2005