bssthound
Enormous Member
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2001
- Posts
- 541
A squadronmate emailed this to me. Looks like a plan to me!!
The Ultimate Solution
Another Friday, more bad news, we're blowing up Iraq (again), gas prices have jumped up for no reason (again), the foreigners are going to try to take over our airlines (again). The same old depressing noise. I think I'll take a nap.
Twenty minutes later I awake, and suddenly it comes to me! I've got the answer!
Never mind that the airline I've worked for as a pilot for over 20 years is in Chapter 11, never mind that fuel prices are killing the economy. The answer is suddenly crystal clear!
All we have to do is force the government to switch the airline executives, with the oil company executives.
So simple. So elegant.
I can see it now, Congress summoning the Airline Execs in under the pretense that they're robbing long term workers of their pensions, while telling the Oil Company execs they're being called in for price gouging.
Both groups of executives will be comfortable with the obscene bonuses they have voted for themselves, both groups have under-funded pension plans (yes even the oil companies after record profits, go figure). So it will be a simple matter of switching the signs, move airline & oil company signs (and execs) from one side to the other.
The results would be immediate. No more whining about "we can't raise prices." The new airline execs will be right on top of it. Imagine the family of four, showing up at the gate the next morning. "I'm sorry folks," says the gate agent, "but it will cost another $100 for your family to go to Wally World." The kids begin crying, the wife begins crying."But we bought these tickets online 3 months ago," states the hapless father. "I'm sorry Sir, but yesterday there was a baggage strike in Nigeria, and the prices shot up overnight"."But what does that have to do with me?" says the father. "Well, Sir, our computers say that's what we have to charge, and that's all we can do."
Out comes the Master Card,
Priceless.
As the boarding commences, and the family starts to get ready, the agent, feeling sorry for the father, suggests, " You'd better have everyone go to the bathroom now, the toilets cost $1 to use."
Meanwhile at the local gas stations, a different scenario is at work.
Suddenly local managers are calling, screaming at the home office. "What are you guys doing? We cant sell the gas for $1.00 less per gallon than we pay for it, we'll go broke, are you crazy?" The answer comes quickly from the home office, "We're going for market share". We're going to put the other stations out of business!"
Back at the airline it's a different story. "I want to go to Wally World!" Screams the tired little girl."Don't worry honey, we will get there soon," says the haggard father. Meanwhile the Flight Attendant is taking the collection for the gate fee as they sit on the tarmac. The flight arrived early, but a Chinese Airline had more money, (after all they have all the industry these days), and they were willing to pay for the gate. Hopefully the collection of cash on-board will be adequate before the next foreign arrival.
For the first few days the lines at the gas stations are enormous. But just as suddenly they disappear. The cost of gas drops overnight from $2.50 per gallon, to $1.00. Then suddenly the new oil (former airline) execs encounter an old foe! The LOW COST GAS STATION!!!!! Panic Sets in Immediately!!!
Forget the fact, that pay cuts for the gas company workers were not adequate to compensate for selling their product below cost, forget that the low cost stations had an overall higher operating cost, that was offset by smart hedging of fuel prices. Meanwhile the "Legacy Gas Stations" were busy giving the management bonuses. The attack was now on!!!
At the airlines, suddenly spring is in full bloom. Significantly lower fuel prices result in huge quarterly profits. At the annual meeting the board even mulls over giving back a few of the extra fees that have created the excess profits that have gone directly to the bottom line. CEO I.M. Greedy sets them straight. "Screw em, we got them to accept pumping their own gas, so the US consumer will put up with about anything, let's keep the money"
Even in Detroit, things are getting better. After years of building cars that no one wants, the new low gas prices are making even the Hummers gathering dust out on the lot, look like a good value.
It's a sad day however, at the gas station. The man from the head office has come to talk with the manager about the price of gas (now about $.50 per gallon). At the local company meeting, the home office representative breaks the sad news that the oil company is going to be forced to declare bankruptcy and, well, were going to take away your pension. "But you took half of our pay, and we didn't get no pension to begin with" exclaims Willy, the night manager.
"We're going to take it anyway," states the tired representative. "We have bonuses to pay"
_________________
Steve Pierce
The Ultimate Solution
Another Friday, more bad news, we're blowing up Iraq (again), gas prices have jumped up for no reason (again), the foreigners are going to try to take over our airlines (again). The same old depressing noise. I think I'll take a nap.
Twenty minutes later I awake, and suddenly it comes to me! I've got the answer!
Never mind that the airline I've worked for as a pilot for over 20 years is in Chapter 11, never mind that fuel prices are killing the economy. The answer is suddenly crystal clear!
All we have to do is force the government to switch the airline executives, with the oil company executives.
So simple. So elegant.
I can see it now, Congress summoning the Airline Execs in under the pretense that they're robbing long term workers of their pensions, while telling the Oil Company execs they're being called in for price gouging.
Both groups of executives will be comfortable with the obscene bonuses they have voted for themselves, both groups have under-funded pension plans (yes even the oil companies after record profits, go figure). So it will be a simple matter of switching the signs, move airline & oil company signs (and execs) from one side to the other.
The results would be immediate. No more whining about "we can't raise prices." The new airline execs will be right on top of it. Imagine the family of four, showing up at the gate the next morning. "I'm sorry folks," says the gate agent, "but it will cost another $100 for your family to go to Wally World." The kids begin crying, the wife begins crying."But we bought these tickets online 3 months ago," states the hapless father. "I'm sorry Sir, but yesterday there was a baggage strike in Nigeria, and the prices shot up overnight"."But what does that have to do with me?" says the father. "Well, Sir, our computers say that's what we have to charge, and that's all we can do."
Out comes the Master Card,
Priceless.
As the boarding commences, and the family starts to get ready, the agent, feeling sorry for the father, suggests, " You'd better have everyone go to the bathroom now, the toilets cost $1 to use."
Meanwhile at the local gas stations, a different scenario is at work.
Suddenly local managers are calling, screaming at the home office. "What are you guys doing? We cant sell the gas for $1.00 less per gallon than we pay for it, we'll go broke, are you crazy?" The answer comes quickly from the home office, "We're going for market share". We're going to put the other stations out of business!"
Back at the airline it's a different story. "I want to go to Wally World!" Screams the tired little girl."Don't worry honey, we will get there soon," says the haggard father. Meanwhile the Flight Attendant is taking the collection for the gate fee as they sit on the tarmac. The flight arrived early, but a Chinese Airline had more money, (after all they have all the industry these days), and they were willing to pay for the gate. Hopefully the collection of cash on-board will be adequate before the next foreign arrival.
For the first few days the lines at the gas stations are enormous. But just as suddenly they disappear. The cost of gas drops overnight from $2.50 per gallon, to $1.00. Then suddenly the new oil (former airline) execs encounter an old foe! The LOW COST GAS STATION!!!!! Panic Sets in Immediately!!!
Forget the fact, that pay cuts for the gas company workers were not adequate to compensate for selling their product below cost, forget that the low cost stations had an overall higher operating cost, that was offset by smart hedging of fuel prices. Meanwhile the "Legacy Gas Stations" were busy giving the management bonuses. The attack was now on!!!
At the airlines, suddenly spring is in full bloom. Significantly lower fuel prices result in huge quarterly profits. At the annual meeting the board even mulls over giving back a few of the extra fees that have created the excess profits that have gone directly to the bottom line. CEO I.M. Greedy sets them straight. "Screw em, we got them to accept pumping their own gas, so the US consumer will put up with about anything, let's keep the money"
Even in Detroit, things are getting better. After years of building cars that no one wants, the new low gas prices are making even the Hummers gathering dust out on the lot, look like a good value.
It's a sad day however, at the gas station. The man from the head office has come to talk with the manager about the price of gas (now about $.50 per gallon). At the local company meeting, the home office representative breaks the sad news that the oil company is going to be forced to declare bankruptcy and, well, were going to take away your pension. "But you took half of our pay, and we didn't get no pension to begin with" exclaims Willy, the night manager.
"We're going to take it anyway," states the tired representative. "We have bonuses to pay"
_________________
Steve Pierce
